We’re sold a lie that happiness is something we arrive at once all our wounds are gone.
When the heartbreak fades.
When the anxiety stops.
When we finally “fix” ourselves.
But here’s the truth:
Life doesn’t wait for perfect timing.
And joy isn’t something you earn after suffering; it’s something you can carry alongside it.
The Myth of the “After”
We love the “after” stories.
After therapy, they were finally free.
After the divorce, they found peace.
After the promotion, they felt whole.
But real life is rarely that clean.
Even after the big wins, the old aches still whisper. Even in the best seasons, there’s often an undercurrent of grief, loss, or uncertainty.
Waiting to be fully healed before you allow yourself happiness means you’re putting joy on layaway, and it might never arrive.
Joy and Pain Are Not Enemies
One of the most freeing lessons you can learn is that joy and pain are not opposites. They’re companions.
You can laugh while grieving.
You can feel proud while still having doubts about yourself.
You can dance at a wedding while missing someone who should have been there.
Happiness isn’t the absence of pain; it’s the courage to let both live in the same room.
How to Hold Both at Once
1. Stop Waiting for “Someday”
Don’t wait for the scars to fade before you smile. Take joy in the small wins now.
2. Give Yourself Permission
It’s okay to post the happy picture even if you cried an hour ago.
3. Practice Presence
Hurt often pulls you into the past. Anxiety drags you into the future. Joy lives right here in the bite of your favorite dessert, in the text from a friend, in the way the sun feels on your skin.
4. Tell the Whole Story
Share the truth: “I’m okay, and I’m still healing.” It’s more powerful than pretending you’ve “moved on.”
You Are Allowed to Be a Work in Progress and Still Be Happy
Healing isn’t a finish line. It’s a lifelong unfolding.
Some days will feel heavier, others lighter, but every single one is worthy of joy in its way.
You don’t have to choose between holding your pain and embracing your happiness.
You are allowed to carry both.
Final Reflection
If you’ve been waiting to “get better” before allowing yourself to be happy, let this be your permission slip.
Look for one tiny thing today that sparks joy — and hold it, even if your heart is still heavy.
Because joy isn’t the reward at the end of healing.
It’s the fuel that helps you keep going.
Share this with someone who needs to hear that they don’t have to be done to feel alive.
With power and presence,
Ruchi Rathor
Healing Heart Series
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