“I’m so sorry,” we say. “I know exactly how you feel.” Whether it’s a friend who’s suffering or an acquaintance whose life is falling apart, we often find ourselves saying these words in an attempt to console others. But do we really understand what the other person feels? It turns out that the answer is yes—in some cases at least.
People who have the capability to feel sorrow, self-pity, misery, melancholy, and regret typically get along with other people better than those who don’t.
It’s easy to convince yourself that feeling sorry for yourself is a bad emotion and that you shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself. But it isn’t. In fact, it can be beneficial to be able to feel grief, despair, or self-pity. Sadness can allow us to interact with others and understand their emotions. We want to comfort those we care about when they are upset or hurt because it makes us feel connected and makes us love that person more deeply than before.
Those who are comfortable with these feelings are more likely to be able to react appropriately.
Empathy is a skill that requires effort and practice, but those who are comfortable with these feelings are more likely to be able to recognize and react appropriately when a friend or loved one is upset. In fact, empathy is so important for relationships that researchers have found that people with good social skills have better romantic relationships than those who don’t.
To have empathy means being aware of other people’s feelings while also understanding where they’re coming from. It’s helpful when you’re considering what it might be like if you were in their situation—what emotions would you feel? What thoughts would go through your head? The ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes can help you avoid making assumptions about why someone acted the way they did or saying something hurtful without realizing it.
People who have the ability to feel sorry for themselves tend to be more capable of expressing empathy for others.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It’s considered a sign of maturity, emotional intelligence, and empathy when you can feel what another person is feeling.
Someone who expresses sorrow for themselves or others is able to put themselves in some other’s position and contemplate what it might be like to undergo the same experience. This makes them more capable of expressing empathy for others because they have first-hand knowledge about how it feels to go through something similar.
Empathy is forgetting oneself in the joys and sorrows of another, so much so that you actually feel that the joy or sorrow experienced by another is your own joy and sorrow. Empathy involves complete identification with another.
Dada Vaswani
When you’re feeling low, you’re usually better at recognizing sadness in others.
When you’re feeling low, you’re usually better at recognizing sadness in others because you’ve felt that way yourself. You can put yourself in their shoes and understand their feelings. And empathy is the key to helping them feel better: if you empathize with people’s pain, it makes them feel validated, understood and cared for — especially when the pain comes from something as painful as a breakup or loss of a loved one.
Empathy is really the opposite of spiritual meanness. It’s the capacity to understand that every war is both won and lost. And that someone else’s pain is as meaningful as your own.
Barbara Kingsolver
It’s completely okay to feel bad once in a while because it helps remind us of how life can be hard sometimes. When you’re going through a rough time, it’s easy to get caught up in your own head-space and forget that other people have feelings too. You might think, “Why do I have to suffer like this?” or “I thought I was doing so well!” But feeling down isn’t something you should be ashamed of—it’s just another part of being human. So, next time you feel like a loser for feeling sorry for yourself, don’t. That’s what empathy is all about!
RUCHI RATHOR Founder & CEO
Payomatix Technologies Pvt. Ltd.
FOUNDER AND INVESTOR | PAYMENTS PROCESSING EXPERT | MERCHANT ACCOUNT SOLUTIONS | WHITE LABELLED PAYMENT GATEWAY | Dreamer, Creator, Achiever, Constantly Evolving
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