Being a parent is hard. It can be emotionally draining and exhausting. And if you’re not careful, it can also make you into a toxic parent too. What I mean by that is that we sometimes end up taking our own fears, insecurities and anxiety out on our children.
The Parent That is Never Satisfied
This parent will never be satisfied with anything you do. You’ll never be good enough for them, no matter how hard you try. They may tell you that they’re proud of your accomplishments or that they love and appreciate you, but their actions don’t match their words:
-They criticize the way you look, the clothes or makeup choices that are important to you
-They make snide comments about your appearance and weight
-They belittle what interests or activities that fill up your time
The Parent That Constantly Compares
If your parent is constantly comparing you to other people, it’s likely that they’re looking for reasons why you’re not good enough. This can be extremely hurtful for any child, but especially for those who are trying so hard to please their parents.
The best way to deal with this situation is by telling yourself that what others do or don’t do has nothing to do with you. It’s also important to remind yourself of all of the good things about yourself and how much effort you’ve put into your life thus far (and will continue putting in). After all, there’s a reason why they love being around you!
If you’re the one doing the comparing, it’s important to stop and think about why you’re doing it. Are you comparing your child to others out of a desire for them to be better than they are? Or do you want them to be happy with who they are no matter what? If it’s the former, consider why that might be beneficial—and then give up on the comparison.
The Parent That Belittles Your Efforts and Decisions
It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing your parents are right, especially when they say things that sound so logical. But sometimes, parents don’t realize that their words can be harmful and hurtful.
It’s not uncommon for toxic parents to belittle your efforts and decisions
They may give you unwanted feedback about how you’re doing something wrong or if it’s not good enough for them. This can make you feel worthless, like nothing you do will ever be good enough for them.
You may also hear this type of criticism: “Why did you do this?” or “How could you have done this?!”
When a parent uses phrases like these when talking about something you’ve done or planned on doing, it makes the child feel as if they’re incapable of making good decisions because their choices are always wrong in some way (even though the parent never tries anything new themselves). It also causes children to doubt themselves more often than not—and we all know how much confidence matters!
The Parent That is Critical of Everything You Do
You are going to make mistakes. You are going to make some bad choices along the way. And when you do, your parent will probably be there to point out how badly you messed up. They might even go so far as to tell you that the mistake or choice was completely unforgivable and irrevocable by saying: “I don’t know how I can ever forgive you for what happened yesterday!”
It hurts when our parents react this way, but remember that they are not perfect either! It is easy for them to get upset over things because it is their job—it is their responsibility—to make sure we turn out alright in life and act accordingly by giving us good advice about what we should or shouldn’t be doing. But sometimes good advice does not seem like good advice when it comes from a toxic parent who never truly cares about what makes YOU happy; instead, they care more about themselves than anything else (and sometimes even hate themselves).
When you hear these words come out of your parent’s mouth, it is okay to feel hurt and confused. But also remember that this is not about you—it is about them! It is important to realize that no matter how much they try to make you feel guilty for something or blame you for something else (even if it wasn’t your fault),
Know When to Step Back If These Patterns Are Holding You Back From Becoming The Best Version of Yourself
-If you grew up with a toxic parent, it’s important to recognize the patterns they have in order to help yourself heal. If your parent has these patterns, they may be negatively affecting your life.
-They constantly make jabs at you and/or others around them.
-They are judgmental and don’t allow for any deviation from their way of thinking or doing things.
-They constantly criticize or belittle you for not living up to their expectations.
-They make you feel like you’re never good enough.
-They are constantly making negative comments about others, even when they don’t know them well.
If you recognize any of these toxic parental behaviors in yourself, then it’s time to take a step back and reflect on what they mean for your life. You may have been hurt by your parents’ critical words or behavior, but there is no reason why you should continue to let them affect how you live today. In time, as well as with some professional help (if necessary), it will be possible for you to let go of those negative feelings towards your parents so that they don’t hinder your progress anymore.